No. I am not going into this hole again. Every time I get some kind of perceived rejection or disappointment or every time I feel “lonely” or disconnected, I get into this mode of sadness. This is ridiculous. I have to turn this around. I have to be thankful for who I am. I have to remember who I am. I have to get in touch with my authenticity and know that there is a movement going on within me that I cannot see and sometimes cannot even feel right now.
Could it be that these experiences have some kind of greater purpose?
For every right move I make, I reward myself and the Universe rewards me. For every so-called wrong move I make, I forgive myself and the Universe forgives me. It’s as simple as that.
But it’s not simple at all.
The crying is still there. The sadness is still there, even the depression is still there. But I fight through it with much more force than I ever did in the past. My determination to be happy is very strong, and my desire for love is very strong. I want to break free from things that have been holding me back from living an amazing life. I want to be happy. And oddly enough, I’m realizing that part of that is going through these periods of sadness. But for so long I was taught that actually feeling the sadness was unacceptable. So today I sit with my sadness, shame, and guilt, and deal with it as it comes (hence why I write). I have to express it and let spirit heal me and my situation. I am perfect in the eyes of the Universe. My worth or desirability is not dependent on another human. I am loved, complete, perfect and whole.
I can accept my situation and I still work toward my intention and dream of love. It is here that I find a safe place and slowly climb out of the hole.