Validate Me

I’ve been working lately on not needing so much external validation. When I do not get the support that I think I should, I’m working on supporting myself. Or at least I try to find a healthy way to give myself the support and encouragement I need. The validation needs to come from within me.

I am realizing that there is an enormous amount of guilt and shame that I carry around with me on a daily basis. I am trying to break free of that, but it gets activated through certain triggers. I am becoming more aware of what those triggers are.

My problem is that when I’m excited about something, I want to share it with others. Perhaps its because I want them to be excited with me. Maybe its because I’ve had so many bad things happen, that when something good happens, I just want others to know about it. Or it could be that I don’t fully believe in myself, in what I’m doing, so I seek external validation from others, specifically those that are close to me.

But telling other people about good things that are going on is normal right?

I guess it’s normal if the motivation behind it is not guilt and shame. I know that sounds weird, but when I do things that make me happy, or things that take up my time, but don’t make me any money, like writing, music, or school, there is a certain amount of guilt I carry…I think I should be doing something more fiscally productive. And then there is shame for thinking that I’m just wrong for doing what I’m doing.

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