So are you letting yourself feel fear? Well guess what. Letting yourself feel fear is only a part of the picture. I read somewhere that if feelings of fear exist, there are most likely feelings of anger close by. If you have abandonment issues, I bet you’re pretty pissed about it. But have you been able to express your anger?
I hate anger. Whenever I think of being angry, I think of it as a bad thing. There are a couple of reasons why…
First, I deny my angry feelings so often that I usually “stuff” them until the anger eventually has no choice but to explode. It comes out so violently that it scares me and others around me. When I was a kid, I can recall being so angry at my dad once that I finally erupted and threw a remote control at his head. Luckily, he ran down the hall before it hit him, but it broke the glass in the cabinet that it did hit. Everyone was shocked…including my dad.
I felt relieved.
The result of this kind of explosion brings me to the second reason I dislike anger. In certain instances where I have expressed anger in the past, I have lost people. Whether it be friendships or family members, there have been cases where if I had an angry episode, they have left my life…for good.
Because of my dislike of anger, I usually skip over the “anger” part of the grieving process. The grieving process is commonly known to take a person through 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’m good at denial, pretty good at bargaining, and way too good at the depression part, and somewhat good at acceptance…in certain situations. But the anger thing, I haven’t been too successful with. When I told my best friend once that I skip over anger in the grieving process, she replied,
Why do you skip over anger? That’s the best part.
Other than being afraid of anger, it just isn’t nice to be angry. Anger is not pretty. Showing anger means I am out of control. Expressing anger is improper. It’s better to just skip over it.
I never considered that there was another way. I never thought there could be a healthy way to feel and express anger that would not hurt myself and others.
I started to explore the anger I was holding onto when I began doing some “inner child” work. I picked up a book called Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method For Liberating Your Inner Self by Lucia Capacchione. She uses a combination of creativity, art, journaling, and so much more to get in touch with your inner child. She introduced me to a new concept of using your non-dominant hand (left hand if you’re a righty and vice versa) to write with in order get in touch with the child within. It sounded crazy in the beginning, but if you think about it, using your non-dominant hand to write encourages vulnerability, which is necessary when doing this kind of work.
For those who are not familiar with the concept of the “inner child,” there are many definitions. But since this is my blog, I’m going to tell you what MY definition of my inner child is, based on my own self work and spiritual journey:
[My] Inner Child – That sweet, innocent, beautiful Spirit within me that is not tainted by the world, or the dysfunction in it. The part of myself that is closest to God…the part that is always in God’s Light.
This is how I personally grasp the concept of my inner child. I believe that much of our lives are spent getting back to the inner child. Or the way I like to look at it is that our lives are spent trying to integrate our adult selves with the inner child…our “True Self.”
The idea is that you can get in touch with your inner child by having conversations with her and she can be nurtured in the places where she [inner child] has been abandoned.
All that sounds so beautiful, right? So what does this have to do with anger? Well, I will get to that part tomorrow. But until then, think about the answer to this question:
Is anger an easy emotion for you? Why or why not?