Happy Easter! I have had the most wonderful weekend. I am up late cooking, so I decided to do a blog post. I know that the general blogging public as well as the general public has been eagerly awaiting the announcement of this month’s self-exploration topic. haha 😉 Well, I have eagerly awaited it as well. After some prayer and meditation, I’ve decided to focus on the concept of PERFECTION this month. Other terms that relate are perfectionist, perfectionism, or just plain trying to be perfect. Perfection may mean different things to different people. Some people believe that when they do their best, that is perfection. But I will be exploring it from the point of view of those of us that believe that sometimes our best is NOT good enough. Those of us that believe that we are inadequate. And those of us that believe WE are not good enough.
This can happen on a situation type basis or it can be an overall life feeling. It is a multifaceted concept. In my own life, it has been both situational as well as an overall need to be perfect and thus feeling that I am lacking in some way.
My mom tells me a story about when I was a little girl learning to tie my shoes, how I had to get the knot just right…perfect. I would sit there forever trying to tie my shoes the perfect way. So because this need to be perfect started early, it has been hard to shake.
A “perfect” example of my perfectionist ways is the process I went through in choosing the topic to write about this month. I had been reading an amazing book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. I have quoted her several times in many of my blog posts in March. As I was thinking about possible topics, I began to lean toward writing about the topic of perfection. But then I thought that I really wanted to wait until I finished The Gifts of Imperfection first.
Maybe I will pick another topic for April…I thought, it would be great to absorb the fullness of Brene Brown’s insights on embracing imperfection first, before diving into the topic on my own. Perhaps I should read the rest of the book first before I begin to explore this topic on my blog…I will make finishing the book one of my main priorities.
Now, when I read a book, I usually don’t pay any attention to how far along I am into the book…especially if I’m enjoying it. I thought that I was maybe half way through The Gifts of Imperfection. But the other day I sat down to lunch and decided to do some reading. I pulled out my Kindle, turned it on, clicked on the book, and to my surprise, the page the book went to was titled “Final Thoughts.” I was at the last chapter of the book.
I laughed out loud at myself. I guess I have no reason now not to explore the topic of perfection…I’m at the end of the book! That confirms my choice! But why did finishing the book confirm my choice?
I believed that I would have to wait until things were “perfect” to explore the topic of perfection. I was ready to explore the topic, but felt the knowledge I had about it wasn’t good enough to do it justice.
So I realized that similar to the topic of abandonment, this is a topic I need to explore for myself. It’s actually on my list of things to let go of this year:
2012 Letting Go List – I want to let go of…
- The guy I talked about in one of my blog posts last month
- Judging myself harshly
- Negative self talk
- Feeling like I am “damaged” goods
- The belief that money/status/job is attached to my self worth
- Fear of intimacy and connection
- Social Anxiety
- Feeling unattractive
As I think about it, my “letting go list” has some wonderful topics to explore in future months. But for now, we will look at the topic of perfectionism. I look forward to us being imperfect together! 🙂
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” -Anna Quindlen (as cited by Brene Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are)