“Today I release those beliefs that are destructive, that have outlived their usefulness. Today my thoughts center on beauty, abundance, order, love, freedom, and health.” -Rokelle Lerner in Daily Affirmations for Adult Children of Alcoholics
A few days ago, my inadequacy wounds were triggered and I got the “crazies.” You know, the “crazies” happens whenever you’re feeling emotional pain, but want to do anything possible to NOT feel it. But it’s funny how awareness has the power to fight the ongoing battle I have with being negative, judgmental, and at times down right awful to myself. When I noticed the “crazies” starting, I contacted a recovery friend who helped me get to the point where I was aware of what was going on and I named it: Feeling inadequate…not good enough. Once I knew what it was, I was able to do what I have talked about in many of my posts: Feel the pain so that it will be possible to let it go. Oh, I am still struggling with those feelings and I expect the feelings of inadequacy to come back from time to time because it is one of my deepest emotional wounds. But at least I have a new awareness of my triggers and am willing to stand up for myself when I know it’s happening. A challenge for me in this process is being gentle with myself. That’s where my lovely blogging friends come in. These blog awards come to me when I least expect it. The recent awards came through during those days where inadequacy was right in my face. The awards came when I was tempted to be down on myself, and mean to myself for still battling the same stuff over and over again. Your award-love means so much to me. It is so affirming to know that you recognize my value as a writer and fellow blogger, and hopefully as a person too. These acknowledgments allow me to look at my journey through a different lens…a fresh new perspective. My journey is a phenomenon. And as the phenomenological researchers say, there are infinite explorations of a phenomenon. And so the explorations continue…
Since I am so late with the blog award recognition, I am only going to nominate 10 blogs between all the awards to share with me. Sorry, I’m a rebel and going against tradition! Ha! Also, you can see the different things about me by clicking on one of my previous awards.
- May I Find Peace in this Uncertain World. “Learning about healing and forgiveness.”
- istopforsuffering. “Dedicated to kindness, generosity, compassion, and empathy.”
I would like to thank The Blazing Trail for the Commentator Award. I believe this award is dedicated to the awesome bloggers that often take the time to leave awesome comments. Everyone of my readers who takes the time to comment is so special to me. Specifically, I am sharing this award with:
- fibrohappiness. “Living happily with Fibromyalgia.”
- sayamberblondi. “Essays of a less educated mind.”
- Reflections. “Mindful musings inspired by living, learning, loving, and laughing-and a horse named Shakespeare.”
Thank you all for inspiring me to continue writing. Looking forward to reading more of your wonderful work.