I allowed myself to feel sad. It was the only gift of love I could give myself. And I cried, maybe 3 or 4 times when I felt like I needed to cry. Sometimes they were just tears, other times sobs. But it was all okay. I allowed myself the freedom and time to feel. To feel sad for what I had lost, for the hopelessness I now feel, for the pain in my heart. And when I felt I could not cry anymore, I wiped my tears, and continued doing what needed to be done. The truth is that the crying stopped, the tears, dried up, it didn’t go on forever.
They recycled. But maybe fresh tears have new purpose. Maybe the new tears are another part of me, another piece of the loss that needed to be healed. I know God was with me in my tears, I actually felt that I wasn’t alone. It was odd. Some of my most lonely times I have felt while I was “trying” to be strong. But there, alone, in that moment, when I surrendered my pain to God through tears, over and over again, I felt His presence like never before. And for that, I am grateful.