Skip the Pain

Amidst the confusion of the times, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives. ~Thomas S. Monson

What’s going inside of me? Emotionally. I’m still trying to understand this small part of myself that feels empty. It’s small but powerful. Sometimes this small empty space takes up a lot of my mind. But I have been trying to push it away. I’m not in denial that this small, powerful void exists, I just don’t want it to exist.

So I’m in constant turmoil with myself when I feel it.

Photo by josecarli on freeimages.com
Photo by josecarli on freeimages.com

I’m tired of being in turmoil. But I just feel so bad about myself when life is so full, but my mind drifts to that empty place.

***

I have been trying to avoid the pain and run from it. But my life is unmanageable when I do anything but live within the pain and deal with it.

I have found that while these feelings are uncomfortable, accepting those unfavorable feelings gives me clarity. But I always try to skip steps. In other words, I try to skip right to the positive, without feeling the negative. I’ve recently had my heart broken…or I allowed my heart to be broken. I would really like to wake up and just be “okay” without going through the phases of grief. Specifically, depression. I think I’ve cried enough. I want the pain to disappear. But the only way that the pain will fade is if I am courageous enough to face it.


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